Part 2 of my keynote speech
In the first part of my keynote speech, I told the parable of Dear Old Uncle and his lost key. Long story short — he was looking for his key outside, under a street lamp, when he was well aware that he’d actually lost it inside his house. But because his house was dark, he reasoned it would be easier to find it outside.
And isn’t that just so human? All too often, we know that the key — to joy, to peace, to everything — is within us, but it seems like a lot of work to find it and we’re not even sure how to start. So we just look for something outside to bring us joy and pin all our hopes on that.
We’ve got a good metaphor going, so let’s play this out. We know the key is within. Within what? Well, within ourselves. And within our metaphorical home. So let’s go in there and get it!
Here’s Part 2 of my speech.
The key is within you — but it may take some renovation to find it
In both ourselves and our home project, the structure may seem to be rickety and dysfunctional. The interior may well be dark and forboding. Spooky, you might even say. That’s why we haven’t been terribly excited about venturing within to look for the key. Until now.
Now we’ve got our gumption up. We’re brave and not (easily) intimidated. We’re going in to find that key, even if we have to rebuild the whole structure to do it.
Facing the Beasts Within: Squatters and Shadow Work
An honest assessment of the situation at hand is the first step of any earnest renovation, whether the subject is a building or your own life.
It turned out there were multiple squatters within the structure. I considered walling them into the house, Edgar Allen Poe style, but I knew they’d never stop haunting me. So instead I made them tea and snacks and had a nice long talk with them. Now they come and visit from time to time, just to chat. They’re really only unruly if you ignore them.
In our metaphorical home renovation program, squatters are characters who won’t leave the house we’re renovating. They’ve been hiding out there, unbidden, unwelcome, and in the shadows for years — decades even! At this point, they feel they have as much right to the structure as you do. And in a way, can you blame them? No offense, but you weren’t really taking care of the place. You left the door open, you watched them come in and ransack the place, but you didn’t do anything about it. And now you want them gone.
So, what do you do? And who or what are the squatters within us?
They’re the demons within us, the parts of us that we abhore, the parts we struggle to hide. Our stinginess. Our jealousy. Resentment. Neediness. Entitlement. Arrogance. Our braggadocia. All that stuff most of us deny, even to — maybe especially to — ourselves.
Carl Jung called them our “shadows.” This is what we talk about when we talk about shadow work.
So what does that mean?
It means facing the darkness within and not running from it. Not trying to smother it. Just sitting with it and understanding it. Truly dealing with it, and not judging it. Showing it compassion.
Shadow work is dealing with and sorting all the uncomfortable stuff in your mind. It’s excavating and airing out those junky things you shoved down. It’s asking “Do they serve a purpose? Can you rehabilitate them? Do you want to? Can you work alchemy on that junk, and turn it into fuel for your precious life?”
Let’s mix metaphors for a moment. Imagine a very filthy, very smelly bathroom. There are two possible approaches to dealing with it. The first is to blast the place with air freshener. Throw potpourri around like confetti. Pour a gallon of cologne on the floor. The second is to get in there and actually scrub the place down and get it spic and span. The former is simply bypassing the problem. The latter is truly dealing with it.
And that’s the difference between spiritual bypassing and getting to the root of the issue with deep, honest shadow work. Spiritual bypassing is saying “Love and light!” and sweeping problems under the rug. The problems just fester. Shadow work takes a lot longer and it hurts a lot more, but damn, is it thorough.
What’s Next?
Now that we have the squatters sorted, we can start to do something about the derelict structure of the home.
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